If your child was in pain every single day for years, what would you do? I like to think that I am a pretty level-headed person (my sisters may not leave any snarky comments). I am usually able to reason things out in my head and understand what is happening. I am usually good with greeting each day with a renewed spirit, ready to tackle whatever comes my way. I am usually hopeful that tomorrow will be better. Usually…. but not today.
Last night was brutal here. Zack actually pooped for the first time in over three weeks without an irrigation. Yay. It hurt, he needed pain medicine, but then he started to feel better. He was still complaining that his tummy hurt, but went to bed on time. Around four this morning he started crying. He said his pain level was a ten. He was saying his intestines were going to explode. He was sweating and needed me to rub his belly. He said he needed his surgeon to fix him. Basically, the child was a mess.
He eventually went to the bathroom again. l will spare you the ugly details, but it was not fun. By the end he was drenched in sweat, felt nauseous, was too exhausted to get up off the bathroom floor and his belly still hurt. This is not a new thing for us, sadly. We have had a bit of a reprieve from this particular pain over the past few weeks, but it was replaced with irrigation pain and craziness. I was hopeful that this pain was gone now. To have it come back with a vengeance is not cool.
This morning Zack did not want to get up for school, so I Iet him sleep. His little body was exhausted. When he got up he did not want to eat breakfast because his tummy still hurt. He did not want to go to school and that is not like him. I was able to talk him into trying school with the promise that he could call me and I would pick him up anytime he wanted. We will see how his day plays out. Often he just stays at school in pain.
Today I feel frustrated. Today I feel angry and want to scream, “ENOUGH!” Today I want to say to our doctors, “Do whatever you need to do, but make him better.” I am sure they feel the same way. Today I feel sad for our friends Logan, Eden, Blake and many others who have are in pain everyday, too.
To answer my own question from the beginning of my rant. How will I handle Zack’s pain today. First, I am going to let myself have a few minutes to be upset…just a few. Second, I am going to take a long hot shower and pray that my attitude changes. The last thing my child needs is for his mama to be upset. Third, I am going eat some chocolate (it makes things better, you should try it). Fourth, I am going to get back up and keep on doing what I do every single day. Fight for my boy. It’s okay to be sad and angry for a minute or two, but I will not let this silly colon take any more joy from our day.
We head to Ohio on Monday. Surgery is Tuesday at 11:30. We will keep you posted.
Hug your babies!